I have not put anything up in a while because I have been
ruminating on this next post for quite sometime. The purpose of this blog is after
all to chronicle and celebrate all things pertaining to Diaspora living,
therefore I decided to do a post that is based on my own personal experiences
as well as those of people I know. While I am normally a very private person, I
have decided to share lessons from my own life from time to time in the hopes
that they might be of help to others who may just be starting out on their own
journey. So here are my top 4 spectacularly bad decisions that a diasporean can
make, in my own private opinion of course:
1)
Taking
advice from unsuccessful and uninspiring people: If you are a
diasporean, then you may be familiar with the sort of personality that I am
about to describe: A person who is older than you are, has lived in the foreign
country in which you now live for a very long time (decades usually), is barely
getting by and probably works a hard, thankless job in order to eke out a
meager living. Basically, this person is usually the very picture of failure;
however, this person is also always full of opinions about what you should be
doing in order to be successful in your new country. This person is also
habitually in denial about the reality of many things regarding their own
situation. Now that I have painted the picture, here is my advice, Don’t Listen To Them! It seems like
such an easy, common sense thing but people like this are very good at what
they do and can sometimes make you believe that they actually know what they
are talking about. The truth is that they do not in fact know anything because
if they did, the proof would be obvious in their own lives. I came up with a
mantra that I repeat to myself when faced with people like this, it says, “If your life doesn’t show it, you don’t
know it.” No one can lead you where they have never been and if you are not
inspired by the life a person is living, then why would you want to take advice
from them? Therefore, sometimes you may have to sever ties with or just ignore these
people if they are very close to you, but do not be afraid to do so because
your future success could depend on it. Make a decision to learn as much as you
can about anything you want to know from reliable sources such as books,
informational TV shows and online articles and then formulate your own plans
and put them into action. This might seem like a more tedious way of acquiring
information but it will pay off eventually by saving you time and many
expensive mistakes further down the line.
(Some earrings I made, just randomly decided to put them up here because I needed a picture to make this blog post prettier! Enjoy!!)
2)
Going
back to high school/Not bringing in your transcripts: This point is
very specific and will most likely only apply to very few people. Honestly, I
would rather it applied to no one at all because this is a huge festering bunch
of catastrophically bad decisions all rolled up into one. For anyone who is unfamiliar
with this concept, it is a fairly common practice among severely uninformed
parents who make spectacularly bad decisions. These parents sometimes elect to
send their children back to high school when they arrive in their new country
even when some of these children may have already started at university in
their country of origin. What on earth would make a parent want to handicap and
delay their own kids in such a manner? Well, there is the widespread belief
among the uninformed (especially in the US) that going back to high school
will make their children automatic candidates for scholarships and Ivy League
schools. While this is certainly one way of achieving this aim, the truth is
that there is a lot more that goes into getting admitted to the Ivies on a full
scholarship. One needs to have informed people on their side who can help
gather information including getting familiar with the educational system and
contacting the financial aid offices at universities incessantly until the
desired results are achieved. There is also the matter of creating a good
candidate by ensuring that the student’s coursework is both diverse and
challenging and that extra-curricular activities are a part of the package. The
preceding statements are common knowledge but usually not to those who are new
to the country. In any case, the main point I would like to make is that it is
not necessary to waste years of your life returning to high school. High school
sucks! If you have already been through it once, that is more than enough! And
whatever you do, never ever listen to anybody who tells you to leave your
transcripts and all the schooling you have done behind. This is just WRONG!!! And
will always be a source of regret for you as it has been for me. (OMG, do I sound angry?
LOL).
3)
Living in
the wrong neighborhood: This is a huge no-no even though it is usually
the plight of many foreigners at least upon first arrival. I myself had the
opportunity to see the accommodation factor from two very different
perspectives and therefore, I can speak to this point with some authority. Let
me preface this by saying that there are exceptions to every rule and that
people do rise to great heights in life from many different backgrounds and
environments. However, the thing with living in the wrong neighborhood is that
it causes one to be constantly exposed to failure and sometimes, to the dark
side of life. Even if you never speak to your neighbors as is often the case,
there is just something about being surrounded by upwardly mobile people as
opposed to people who have fallen prey to a life of poverty, mediocrity and
other vices. Aside from this, there is also a stark difference in the
opportunities and amenities available to you when you live in certain neighborhoods
ranging from lifestyle options like food, shopping and entertainment, all the
way to economic factors like jobs. It is true that very few people work in the
same neighborhood in which they live, however, it is also true that people are
sometimes disqualified from being considered for jobs and housing loans solely
on the basis of where they live. This should not be the case but in a world
where employers receive thousands of resumes for a single job opening, they
definitely have the upper hand and the power to disqualify candidates at their
slightest whim. Having said all that, you did not relocate all the way to a new
country just to be mediocre, therefore, it is important to not live where the
main topics of conversation are who just got released from/went to jail, whose
house was broken into and who appears to be on drugs or a drug dealer. These
are things that do nothing to take you closer to your goal, live instead where
the elevator discussions you happen to overhear are focused on how to invest
for retirement, how to pay for college or what questions to ask when buying a
car/house. These are only a few examples of the type of important information
that most foreigners lack and sometimes never fully acquire even after living
for years in their new country especially if they do not choose wise
associations and this begins with environment.
4)
Going to
the wrong school: Yes, there is in fact such a thing as a wrong school. Just like living in the wrong neighborhood and having
the wrong associations, going to the wrong school can also be a sliding pole
that takes you downwards rather than a ladder with which you can climb up to the
next level of your life. For starters, it really isn’t worth it to attend the
cheapest school around, note, the emphasis here is on cost of tuition as
opposed to ease of entry Make no mistake about it, there are many schools that
are easy enough to get into as long as you can afford to pay the sometimes
exorbitant tuition and this is exactly where you want to be. Given what I now
know, when faced with the option to attend a school with:
1.
low tuition
and a high admissions rate (i.e. not very selective)
OR
2.
high tuition and a high admissions rate (also not
very selective),
I would pick the second option
every time. The reason for this is that what these schools lack in admissions
selectivity, they tend to more than make up for the level of service you
receive from admissions counselors, academic advisors and other members of staff,
including faculty. Simply put, because these schools charging so much, they
have to provide a wide variety of options for their students, such as a variety
of classes at various times which is usually a limiting factor for adult
students who have work and family responsibilities. On average, it takes most
students longer to complete their education at schools that offer lower tuition
rates (and therefore leaner choices in everything), in some cases; it can take
double the number of years. This is a fact; speak to any CUNY student if you doubt
this assertion.
Another added benefit for attending
a more expensive school as opposed to a cheap one is that these schools tend to
have quality extra-curricular activities, better job placement programs and stronger
alumni networks. These factors are often over-looked by students who do not
know any better (I was one of these), but they can be far more crucial to
career success post-graduation, than good grades alone. In fact, getting good
grades is highly overrated, I should know, I took challenging courses,
graduated Suma cum Laude and still could not find a job for almost a year after
graduating. It is far better to focus on networking, interning and generally
rubbing shoulders with those in the field where you would like to be than it is
to do your homework, write papers and study religiously for exams – all things
I wish I had known during my student days but as they say, hindsight is 20-20.
In conclusion, I decided to be as honest as possible in this
post and it was a battle the whole way since I am not a person who enjoys
opening up to anyone but the closest people to me. However, I felt the need to share
my own personal experiences in the hopes that they might be useful to someone
else who may just be starting out on their own Diaspora journey in the US. Everyone
has opinions but good advice is often very hard to come by. I firmly believe
that a single piece of correct and timely information can be worth millions to
the recipient and I open up myself to receive the same from others.
XOXO,
Starlight.
